Fourth-Wall Breaking Dabbles
by royaltyofaurorablue
Summary: Based on Wade Wilson's habit of breaking the fourth-wall. Here we have several Naruto characters discovering what ships and fanfiction are about. Please give them patience.
1. Why Does This Exist?

**One day a curious set of people discovered a website that they never wanted to know. Please enjoy~! Also, you're allowed to hate it. This idea didn't want to leave so I decided to write it down. It's based on Wade Wilson's habit of breaking the fourth-wall.**

 **The opinions are strictly the characters. It's not the opinions of the author.  
NARUTO doesn't belong to me. **

* * *

"Please tell me you're joking," Ino told Sakura who shook her head. Forehead also gave her a pity glance and that didn't help her mood at all. What the fuck Sakura. The pink-haired should be the nice (ish) one out of their friendship.

"Unfortunately not, Ino. You are actually paired up with _**him**_.." Sakura muttered with another pity look aimed at her best friend who huffed in frustration and even maybe pity for herself.

Ino thought this was a lovely day until Sakura saw a computer and became fucking curious on this website she only has heard today. Wonderful. Fantastic. Love it.

Sarcasm people. Her thoughts are literally bleeding sarcastic thoughts about this …. Ship.

"... Am I paired up with him often?" She asked because she has nothing left to lose but her pride. If it's a rare thing; her pride will be saved and her mood will get better.

Sakura looked at the computer and tapped the screen lightly to show the number to Ino who looked relieved.

"Forty-one fanfics aren't that bad." Her pride has been saved. Still a little damage though but that's understandable.

Forty-one stories where Ino Yamanaka gets paired up with Hidan from the Akatsuki is something Ino herself will never truly wrap her head around but it's a rare pairing. At least it's not popular.

She wonders why she is even paired up with him. She voiced her thoughts to Sakura who merely shrugged.

"Maybe it's for the sake of a 'crack ship' people put it in this dictionary." The pink-haired told her best friend gesturing to the Urban dictionary tab.

Ino huffed and glared at the computer.

"He killed Asuma-sensei and mocked our pain. He even fucking told us they were going to cash his body in for money because the greedy freak partner of his wants the cash." Ino ranted with fury laced in her voice.

Asuma was like a second father to her. Why would she be paired up with his killer?

Like hell, she ever would get together with him.

Sakura placed her hand on Ino's head and patted it for a moment. It resulted in Ino coming closer to Sakura and placed her head on forehead's shoulder with a deep exhale. She will not cry, dammit.

"Do you want to know who you are paired up with?" Sakura asked Ino with a small frown.

Ino glanced up at her before she shrugged. Her pride got damaged already. Why the hell not?

"Sure, whatever. Let me see how many fics I have with my husband."

So Sakura showed her and Ino's mood got a little better.

"Two hundred thirty-five fics found in the Sai and Ino tag," Ino muttered to herself but Sakura could still hear it. Ino didn't break from Sakura's embrace after all.

"So. Are you okay now? Did this help?" Sakura couldn't help to asked.

Ino eyed the computer with a small frown before she suddenly grinned at Sakura's direction.

"Hey. Let me see if we got paired up."

"Pig please."  
"Forehead, please. I wanna see."

Sakura eyed Ino for a long moment who didn't look like she was going to back down from her little idea. Sakura let out a sigh before she started to click away with a huff.

"1.7K fics where we are either together or play a part," Sakura said to Ino who grinned at the result. Damn right. You can't take her forehead away from her.

"That is a good number. A real good number. I like that number. Now; show me how many where we are together?" Ino asked.

Sakura gave her a look before doing what she asked. Because she couldn't deny that she was a little curious too.

….. Huh.

"Fifty-nine fics. More than Hidan and me but less with Sai and I. That's fine. As long you beat Hidan; everything is good." Ino told her best friend who nodded.

Wait. Hold up.

Sakura clicked on Sai again and witness Ino screamed in delight _(delight? what?)._ "Only fifty-five fics where Sai and I are actually together? Is that right? Did my darling forehead beat my hubby? I am loving this."

What the hell.

"Uh, Ino. Why are you so happy? Sai is your husband and the father of your son; Inojin." Sakura told Ino with a curious look. She couldn't help but point out the obvious.

Ino gave Sakura a look. ' _Like really, girl? Do I need to explain?'_ Apparently, she does.

"Okay. Let me sit down for this." Ino begun sitting down next to Sakura and holding out her hand towards the pink-haired who grasp her pig's hand with a curious look.

"Wishful thinking really since I don't seem like the 'type' but if I didn't meet Sai that day; I would have probably went with you. The reason why is because I know you the longest. I know when you have your ups and downs. I love you very much. You're fucking special to me. And yes; I tease you a lot but I also compliment you as well. Forehead; I love you and I wanted to confess something." Ino said while she wiped a tear from Sakura's eye.

People if her best friend actually cries; Ino is going to join her.

"When you decided to break our friendship with each other for Sasuke; I was so heartbroken. I didn't actually want that. I mean; I did indeed have a crush on your husband back then but I wouldn't have ever thrown my friendship away for you." Ino finished with a smile.

Oh gosh.

"Oh my god, pig. I love you so much." Sakura cried out before she tackled her best friend in a hug. All Ino did was laughed and hugged the pink-haired back.

Life is good.

Whether they knew it or not; Sarada looked at Sai and her father with a curious look. "Papa; is that true?" She asked him.

Sasuke looked down at his daughter and nodded. "They used to be rivals."

"I believe they are still rivals, Sasuke-san. I mean it wouldn't be a far stretch for you and Naruto are still rivals." Sai said with a smile.

Sasuke looked annoyed while Sarada looked confused.

"Does this mean Papa loves Hokage-sama?" She asked curiously.

Sasuke gave her a look. "No."

"I thought you did. After all; according to Kiba; your first kiss was with him." Sai said who didn't help the situation at all.

"Wait, Papa and the Hokage-sama kissed?!" Sarada cried out in shock.

Sasuke glared at Sai who gave him a smile.

"Get the hell out of my house."

"Technically; Sasuke-san; this is an apartment." Sai shared his unwanted wisdom.

"Get out," Sasuke repeated with an annoyed look.

"Okay. Dear; we must go. Sasuke-san is dramatically asking us to leave." Sai called out to the girls who broke free from their embraced to look at them confused.

Sasuke counted to ten and decided to walk away from this annoying man.

He can see why Ino and Sai got married now.

They deserve each other and no; this isn't shade.

It's the honest truth.

Besides; like hell, he would have let Ino take Sakura from him.

Once the Yamanaka couple left, and Sarada bid her parent's goodnight after supper; Sasuke and Sakura found themselves in the living room looking at each other.

Sasuke; blank. Sakura; confused; curious.

"Sasuke… What did he do?"

"He annoyed me."

"Honey; no offense but a lot of people annoy you."

"Hn."

She sighed.

Sasuke gave her a look.

"Sasuke. I didn't show Ino this because she would have just screamed so I'm going to share it with you instead." Sakura began while pushing her bangs away from her face.

So she showed him what she discovered before finding out the fics with Ino and Hidan.

Needless to say; Sasuke wasn't exactly pleased with her discovery.

Sakura wasn't surprised.

"Eighty-three fics between me and Yamanaka." He said.

"Yep."

"Why."  
"How would I know?"

"Are you…. Mad?" He asked.  
Sakura snorted. Sasuke gave her a look.

She rolled her eyes to show him why she wasn't mad at all.

"Oh."  
"Of course."

Sakura grinned at him. Sasuke gave her a little smirk.

1.9K fanfics of Sasuke and Sakura Uchiha beats the Sasuke/Ino ship in spades and shades.

Life is good.

"Honey; do you wish to see how many you have with Naruto?" Sakura couldn't help but ask with a grin.

Sasuke let out a snort and walked to their bedroom.

"No."

"Too bad."

"Sakura."  
"Coming, dear~!"

And with that; we bid you goodbye until next time.


	2. Let's Get Real

**Sometimes we have to get a little real when we write a parody and humor story. I also want to add that this is the closest I would ever come to canon SasoSaku. Enjoy everyone~!**

* * *

It was such a lovely day for Sakura; really until Ino basically ruined it by showing her something from that fanfiction website they found not a single day ago. She had gotten up, took a shower, woke up her daughter and husband, and they are all ate her breakfast.

…. There's something unrealistic right there. Oh, Sarada and Sasuke actually ate her food.

And well; didn't fall ill. Hmm. They must be immune.

Great. Even Sakura herself makes jokes that her cooking sucks. Because it doesn't, okay. She's just horrible with healthy food. So she gave that up (after Sasuke almost choked on it) and decided to cook the food everyone she knows eats.

So; when she asked her old team to try out their cooking; they looked ready to make an excuse (and they did. repeatedly.) before she snapped and told them to eat it anyway. So after they sent their prayers; they ate her food.

Their reaction? They didn't fall ill and they asked for seconds. Sakura felt proud about her cooking.

Whether it was unhealthy or not.

We can't win all battles after all.

XXXX

Okay. Let's go back to the problem at hand. The problem being Ino grinning at her while Sakura looking so torn at the computer.

"You're not serious." Sakura tried for denial but you see; the computer screen isn't lying and that didn't her mood.

"I am totally serious, Forehead. You and him are paired up as well."  
"We never fucking met!" Sakura shouted with a cry for help.

"Sweetheart; I don't think that matters with these ships," Ino said patting Sakura's shoulder who just snorted and huffed in frustration. Honestly; this is the perfect example of a crack ship.

"He's not my type."  
"Yeah; well he's not mine either and you still showed me."

Checkmate.

Sakura sat down next to Ino who shoot her a look. Was it pity? Probably. Maybe. Of course. Man; she didn't really care but she may have little pity for herself.

She never met Hidan of the Akatsuki. Only members of the Akatsuki; she truly met was Akasuna no Sasori and Uchiha Itachi. A red-haired man who turned himself into a puppet and well; her brother-in-law. She rather be paired up with them instead of Hidan.

….. Wait back up. What? Did she really thought-?

' _You totally did, Forehead.'  
_ ' _Oh my god.'  
_ ' _Yep and it was priceless.'_

Sakura gave Ino a look. An annoyed look. A one that will make Sasuke proud. She's been spending too much with her hubby; Ino mused. Hey; that's not so bad. Since most of the villains have been killed and the village is kinda welcoming Sasuke back; the Uchiha was able to hang out in Konoha for a bit now.

The result of that? Sarada is happy. Sakura is smiling and blushing and her daughter teases her enough as it is. Sasuke? He's happy to spend time with his family. Although; he would only to like to spend it with his family but well; the Hokage-sama needs him.

Not that need; you silly people.

Naruto needs Sasuke's help with his son, Boruto. Sakura calls him Bolt because it's easier for her. Because she almost called him a burrito when he was born, and Naruto decided Bolt will be his nickname. He wasn't mad. Naruto told Sakura that after he finished laughing.

Hinata, on another hand, gave Sakura a look that made Sakura smiled sheepishly. Naruto's wife wasn't exactly mad. Just a little disappointed with her friend.

"Yo honey. Snap out of it." Ino suddenly told Sakura. Sakura looked startled for a second before she frowned at her best friend.

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened, Forehead. I just want you back into reality for a bit."

"My mind makes more sense than reality right now, Pig."

"First time for everything."  
"Hey."

"Anyway; there are two hundred sixteen fics with you and Hidan either paired together or play a part," Ino replied with a smile. Sakura groaned.

Yes. Karma is indeed a bitch.

"Please tell me how many fics where we are actually together," Sakura demanded because why not. It's not like she was curious about it but she couldn't deny she wanted to know.

So Ino showed her. The result ending with Sakura smiling and Ino pouting and glaring.

"I have more fics with Hidan then you," Ino said with a pout.

"Oh yes. I love this." Sakura said with a grin. This has helped her mood out like nothing ever has.

"Motherfucking eights fics verse my…." Ino cut herself off when she clicked on her name to make sure something and this time; she grinned. "AGAINST MY SIX FICS," Ino shouted while Sakura slammed her head against the table with a groan. Her good mood lasted about a fucking second. So unfair.

Karma, honey, you can choke.

"Okay. I give up. Show me more, please. Show me other people that I am paired up with." Sakura might as well surrender to this madness. She thought this was going to be a lovely day until fanfiction fucks up her feelings.

"Uh."  
"What."

"Well, you see, Forehead… You are paired up with nearly everyone." Ino said with a laugh.

"What," Sakura repeated.

"You're joking, right? That is seriously a joke, Pig." Sakura added after a long moment has passed. Ino gave her a look that made Sakura bit her lip and tried not to scream in frustration.

Denial can only work so far, and Sakura has reached that level already. She passed it with flying colors. Now. Now this is acceptance. Forced but still acceptance.

"I might regret this, but show me who I am paired up with," Sakura demanded with a frown. So, Ino did and Sakura felt so tired.

Who were the lucky ones that Ino showed Sakura?

Deidara.  
Sasori.  
Itachi.  
Ino herself (again).  
Naruto.  
Hinata.  
Gaara.

The list went on, and Sakura just accepted it. "Sasuke obviously won your heart if we count his," Ino said with a smile. Okay, that helped a little. Some people like her with her hubby. Life is good.

"Forehead. What are your thoughts about some of these?" Ino couldn't hold it anymore. She had to ask.

Sakura took a deep breath and shrugged.

"I.. I have never truly met Deidara. I saw him in battle. I saw him use Gaara as a fucking cushion for his ass. I have seen Sasori nearly killing him because Deidara liked to rile people up. I.. I just don't see how we would get together. I mean; if I ever read a fic; I might see why. Might, though." Sakura told Ino who nodded. The blonde was taking her answer seriously and Sakura is glad.

"Forehead."

"Hmm?"

"...Being paired up with Naruto. How do you feel about that?" Ino asked softly. Sakura closed her eyes and exhaled. Okay; her answer might be long.

"I'm sure people thought I would have ended together with him if I have moved on from Sasuke, and Hinata never admitted her feelings towards him but that would have made me a horrible woman. Naruto is Sasuke's best friend. Naruto, himself, yelled at me for lying when I tried to say I loved him that day. He, of all people, knows how deep I was in for my husband. I still am."

Sakura went on with her answer, and Ino listened with a small smile. "Now that is a good answer," Ino said after she made sure Sakura truly finished talking. Sakura gave her a small smile.

"What about Sasori? Are you okay with him?" Ino asked her after a moment has passed. She watches Sakura got up from her seat and made her way to the kitchen. Sakura slowly pulled out pots and pans before getting out of the items she needed to make their lunch.

"Forehead."

Sakura sighed.

"Forehead. You gave me an answer about Naruto. Why is Sasori more stressful?" Ino asked with a frown. "Ino. You don't know what happened in that battle." Sakura tried to reason but Ino snorted. Oh, Ino knew what happened. She's not a mind reader for nothing.

"One of my jutsus involves me looking through people's memories, Forehead. I believe I know what the hell happened to you and that Akatsuki member." Ino said with a scoff. Sakura couldn't help but smile at that.

"Okay. That is true."  
"Damn right it is. I believe you know how good I am at it as well."

Sakura nodded with a smile.

"So Sasori, Forehead," Ino said getting back to the subject.

"He… I don't know what to think, Ino. I seriously don't. He made me feel so many emotions. More than I have really ever. Made me come alive." Sakura gestured with a bewildered look on her face. It's been years since Sasori came up as a subject and that didn't make anything better.

"He did all he can to try to kill me and his grandma. He didn't regret stabbing me even when I wasn't his target. He even mocked Chiyo-sama for healing me that day. He's cruel, Ino. I'm not even sure if I would have gotten together with him." Sakura told Ino seriously while beginning to cook the meal.

"You ever found out why he hated his grandma so much?" Ino asked. Surely; there must have been a reason.

"Yeah, I did," Sakura replied and Ino waited. She waited for some more before she let out a sigh when she noticed Sakura wasn't going to say. So Ino asked and with a sigh; Sakura did.

"She lied to him about the status of his parents. Said they were on missions when they have actually been dead for a while. She made her choice and him… He stopped loving her. That's what Ebizo-sama told me before he passed away."

"Well. I can't blame the guy."  
"Pig, please.." Sakura began before Ino glared at her.

"Forehead, look. This is coming from someone who has lost a parent. It's not something you can just move on from. This Chiyo person made her choice. You even said it yourself. She chose her feelings over his. Whether the mother was her daughter or the father was her son; it doesn't matter. She lied to him when he was like what? Eight or nine years old? He probably found out in a harsh way. He has a right to not forgive her."

"He has a right to not forgive her," Ino repeated for Sakura to get the picture and the pink-haired did. She really truly did this time.

"No wonder he mocked me when I showed kindness to his grandma. He thinks she doesn't deserve it." Sakura said. Ino shrugged.

"She probably didn't."

"She was still a mentor to me."

"Yeah, she truly was. Keeping the truth from your daughter about her papa could have been the lesson Chiyo gave you." Ino commented. Sakura winced at that.

"I didn't mean…"  
"I know but you still kept the truth from her."

"I had to! It was discussed at the meeting that what Sasuke was going to do would remain a secret. I wanted to tell her. I was always sad when she mentioned or asked for him. I regret it. I'm not making any excuses, Ino. I really wanted to tell her but I swore to myself, I would keep that a secret."

"Selfish."  
"I know."

Oh, Ino knew Sakura knows. Her best friend can be a bit selfish but that's fine. It's not like Ino was never selfish before.

"I'm sorry, Pig."  
"I believe I am the wrong one to apologize to."

"You're right."

So, when Ino left after she had lunch with Sakura and Sarada came home chatting happily with her papa; Sakura decided right there to talk about it.

XXXX

"Sarada. I want to tell you something. Something you should have been told." Sakura confessed.

"Hmm? What is it, mama?" Sarada asked.

"I.. I knew all the long where your papa went all those years ago," Sakura replied. She held up her hand when Sasuke opened his mouth. She watched Sarada mouthed the words her mama said to her in shock.

"The Kages knew as well. Probably Shizune since she was the one who told me where you went after I fainted that day."

"You have the right to blame me for not telling you. You can hate me. It was selfish for me to keep it a secret but the reason why your papa was the one who left all those years was because he had the eyes to see those villains. Bolt faced along with his papa (and yours) and the other Kages. He did it to protect you. To protect us. We're special to your papa, Sarada."

Sarada looked at her papa with tears in her eyes and Sasuke gave her a nod. He confirmed right there they are indeed special to them.

"Mama… I don't hate you. I think I understand." Sarada told her mama when a long moment has passed. Sakura choked on a sob before she reached over to hug her daughter who whined and poked her mother for hugging a little too tight.

All Sakura did was laugh and apologized. She did make the hug gentler when Sasuke let out a cough when he witnessed Sarada's pained look. Sometimes his wife can't control her strength.

And with that; the family chatted (Sasuke mainly listening), and had supper.

It was when they were in their bedroom when Sasuke questioned why Sakura confessed to Sarada. Sakura gave him a small smile.

"I didn't want to make the same mistake Chiyo-sama did to Sasori." Was all she revealed to Sasuke. He frowned but he left it to go for the mean time. Maybe he would ask her later.

 **Until next time everyone. Goodbye.**


	3. Sasuke Finds Out

**NARUTO doesn't belong to me.  
The opinions mentioned are strictly the characters, not the authors. Please enjoy this chapter~!**

XXXXXX

"So, let me get this straight; Sakura-chan found a website where we get paired together?" Naruto asked Sasuke who gave him a look. He had to laugh until he realized Sasuke isn't the type to joke when it comes to his wife.

So Naruto sobered up and took his friend seriously. "Did you read any of them?" He asked. Like Sakura; he's a curious individual. He just wants to know okay. For science and proof to finally take that drink with Tsunade. Since he is now Hokage; he can't blame her for having a drink or several during her stay as Kage.

Sasuke's lips curled and he turned to look at Naruto with a frown. "Why do you want to know that? I didn't." He replied. Like hell, he would. He wouldn't mind reading one with him and his wife, though.

"Call me curious, man. It's not every day we get this kind of crap here. I want some entertainment." Naruto replied with a wounded look on his face. Being Sasuke; he rolled his eyes and turned his head away.

"Entertainment?" Sasuke asked. What will be entertaining with stories about him and Naruto?

"Because it's funny to think there are people that actually think I would go for you," Naruto shouted with laughter. Sasuke closed his eyes and calmly pushed Naruto off the desk. Naruto groaned in pain and grabbed his ass before turning to glare at Sasuke.

"What the fuck, man?" He yelled.

"Desks are for items. Seats are for your ass, idiot." Sasuke replied.

"Man, you're a real joy" Naruto mumbled getting up and sitting on the seat. Sasuke smirked and calmly commented that he just wanted to 'entertain the Hokage.' Naruto snorted but he grinned.

"Yamanaka told me there are these stories with you and Sakura," Sasuke told him suddenly and Naruto turned to look at him with a curious look. "Yeah, and? What about them?" The blonde asked. Sasuke narrowed his eyes and Naruto raised a brow.

"What?" Naruto asked.

"You and Sakura… didn't have anything going on while I was away?" Sasuke asked and Naruto blinked. He blinked once more.

Huh. So, that's the case. Okay then.

"Okay, first of all; Sakura was (is) madly in love with you. She only said she loves me at Iron because she wanted to stop me from contacting you and fighting you. I didn't believe her because she loves you. So I shouted at her to not fucking lie, okay? Sakura will never get together with me, man." Naruto told him seriously and he couldn't help to add, "And I'm married to Hinata with two kids."

"Besides you and Sakura-chan have Sarada. I know Sakura isn't the type to fuck around and go making babies with guys. You're literally her only exception because you're her husband, idiot." Naruto finished and Sasuke rolled his eyes but that helped Sasuke's mood a little. "Sai told me you flirted with her," Sasuke remarked. Naruto snorted and shrugged.

"Of course, I did. I did have a crush on her. I tried to get her attention while we were a genin. You know that, man. Don't you remember I tied you up and locked you up so I can disguise as you and flirt with Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke snorted. Naruto grinned.

"Do you know anything about this Sasori person?" Sasuke asked after some minutes passed. Naruto turned to look at him with a serious look and Sasuke was taken back.

"Why are you asking about him?" Naruto asked with caution. Sasuke blinked and gestured to the direction where Yamanaka Ino lives. "She mentioned him concerning something and Sakura's been in a mood. I want to know." He said.

Naruto sighed and rubbed the back of his neck before turning his whole back to Sasuke to give him his full attention. The paperwork can wait. Hopefully; Shikamaru and Shizune won't be too mad at him.

"He's that Akatsuki member that Sakura-chan fought to get that information to have that reunion with you, man." The blonde told him. Sasuke gave him a look before walking to the window and witness the people going on their day.

"How did he die?" He asked.

"His grandma killed him," Naruto answered.

Well then. Sasuke was taken back.

XXXXXXXX

 _"_ _ _So there is a website that shipped us together?"__ Karin's voice was heard through Sakura's phone while Sakura was making her lunch during her break at her clinic. Sakura nodded until she realized

Karin wouldn't see and confirmed the red-haired woman's question.

"Yep. Isn't that weird? Some of them had you be a total bitch to me because I quote, 'you stole my Sasuke-kun." Sakura said and she heard Karin snorted. Hiding a smile; Sakura finished putting the last piece on her sandwich.

 _"_ _ _Look, I may have had a mad crush on Sasuke but that doesn't mean I would be a total bitch towards you. Honestly; when we met; you fucking healed my wound he caused. Bitch please; I didn't dislike you."__ Karin responded and Sakura had to laugh. Oh Karin, please don't change.

"I'm flattered, Karin."  
 _"_ _ _As you should be."__

It was Sakura's turn to snort this time.

 _"_ _ _So; did you like any when you and I was a couple?"__ Karin asked and Sakura raised a brow. "Man, this is weird," the pink-haired commented.

 _"_ _ _What is?"__ Karin asked.

"Ino mentioned something like this too. Should I be worried for Sasuke that my two friends might be trying to win my heart?" Sakura asked with a laugh before she took a bit of her sandwich.

 _"_ _ _He should be flattered that his wife has this attention from two lovely women,"__ Karin remarked while she ate her own lunch on her side of the phone.

Sakura snorted. 'Flattered' isn't going to be his reaction.

 _"_ _ _Anyway, I admit I am a bitch but that's reserved for people like Suigetsu. You're not Suigetsu or anything like him so we're good."__ Karin added seriously. Sakura grinned at that.

"Speaking of Suigetsu; you do know there are stories where you two are shipped?" Sakura asked grinning and she heard Karin choked on her food and drowning it with her drink.

Karin made a sound that vaguely sounded like disgust and it took her awhile to answer with a clever and clear, _"_ _ _What the fuck?"__

"I'm serious, Karin," Sakura said grinning because oh god; that's priceless.

 _"_ _ _Why? We only really fight."__ Karin tried to see reason but her mind came up blank and she gave up.

"How would I know? From what I read; that's what makes people ship us." Sakura told her and Karin snorted.

 _"_ _ _Oh yeah, that's a good fucking reason,"__ Karin replied sarcastically.

"Karin; if it helps I didn't tell Suigetsu this," Sakura said and she heard Karin sighed.

 _"_ _ _Good. If he ever finds out; he's likely going to tease and since holidays are close; I'll crack his nuts with that handy nutcracker."__ Karin told her friend seriously who choke on her sandwich in shock.

"Oh my god, Karin."

 _"_ _ _I'm serious, Sakura. I will. I don't need that little fucker teasing me for this website bullshit. I don't want that in my life."__ Karin said and Sakura lets out a sigh.

"God. The mental image." Karin snorted before she forbid her friend bye. She also added if Sarada has any problems with her glasses; she can contact her right away. Sakura smiled and told she will and they hanged up after they both said bye.

Sakura looked at her phone for a moment before putting it in her pocket. She put the rest of the sandwich in her mini-fridge and brushed her teeth in her little restroom that came with her office before she headed back to work.

"Crack his nuts with a nutcracker. Oh god, Suigetsu, please don't be stupid if you ever find out about this website." Sakura mumbled to herself.

xxx

At Orochimaru's hideout; Suigetsu sneezed on Juugo's hand that was reaching towards a test tube and Juugo gave him a disgusted look before he backed away from him to wash his hands and Suigetsu shrugged. "Sorry man."

"Don't talk to me," Juugo replied and that was that.

XXXXXXX

"Why would people ship you and me together? I can do better." Naruto remarked seriously when he was eating lunch with Sasuke at the Hokage's office. The blonde still couldn't wrap his mind around that and Sasuke gave him another look. "I'm trying to enjoy my lunch in peace, you idiot." Was all the dark-haired replied and Naruto let out a snort.

"Whatever. I just can't see us together, okay?" Naruto told him and Sasuke rolled his eyes. It's not he wanted to be together with the blonde either. It was bad enough his first kiss was taken from him by the blonde. Even when it was an accident; his first kiss was still with Naruto Uzumaki.

"I can do better as well. If I have to go for a guy; it will not be with you." Sasuke responded before taking another bite of his lunch eyeing Naruto who rolled his eyes.

"Suigetsu? Kabuto? Orochimaru?" The blonde questioned with a grin and Sasuke made a disgusted sound and he's near the level where he didn't want to eat his lunch because oh God. Why those three?

"Disgusting," Sasuke remarked and Naruto let out a snicker. He's going to regret this but he asked why those three. He saw Naruto grinned and he just know he regretted coming here today.

"Because Suigetsu is flexible and will probably give you time. Kabuto is because that medic knows some kinky shit because he works for the snake, and well Orochimaru has been a long joke among some people, you see." Naruto finished and Sasuke glared at him.

"What 'long joke?" He asked and he doesn't want to know but he just can't keep his fucking mouth shut today. Damn his beautiful wife and her contagious curious side. So regrettable watching Naruto looked so damn amused with that shitty smile of his; he told him why it's been a long joke.

"It's because one of our (Sasuke gave him a look and Naruto ignored) friends who will remain anonymous told us that you did indeed come to Orochimaru for power but for all we know; you wanted to 'have fun' with the snake." Naruto finished and he watched Sasuke threw up in the trashcan before he took off.

Naruto smirked and went back to his laptop and his lunch.

Shame on you; Naruto Uzumaki.

XXXXXXX

It was around late midnight where Sakura Uchiha came home from her late shift to find her husband watching the television with their daughter laying on the couch asleep under the blanket with Sasuke, himself, asleep. Sakura smiled softly at the scene and took a picture of it on her phone before she shut the door and her husband woke up faster than their daughter did.

"Ah, mama. How was your day?" Sarada asked getting up and Sakura walked to her daughter; pulling her on her lap (ignoring the protests) and spoke about her day with a small tired smile. Sasuke watched her tell their daughter about how Karin remarked if Suigetsu found out about the stories between her and the white-haired; she will crack his nuts with that handy nutcracker.

Which Sasuke, unlike Sarada who's denying that her aunt is serious, knows Karin is one hundred percent seriously. He knows her since they were around thirteen. He knows from experience of seeing her hurt men who went too far for her taste.

Seeing the smile on his wife gives him the clue that she knows about Karin's short temper concerning with men. Ah; she's so smart; he's happy she didn't move on from him. Supposedly before he came home; Ino and him had a talk about some of the stories she found of Sakura where Sasuke is mentioned, and he didn't like it. Not at all.

XXX

 _"_ _ _What do you want, Yamanaka?" Sasuke questioned the blonde while they sat down in this cafe before they ordered a late lunch because the dark-haired man is hungry and the previous lunch he had with Naruto was wasted because he listened to the jackass. The blonde wasn't a jackass, okay. He just needs to stop talking like that because they're not kids anymore. They're in their thirties for crying out loud.__

 _ _Ino grinned at him but she only spoke to the waitress to tell her that she wanted spicy noodles with orange chicken && green tea. Sasuke rolled his eyes and said he only wanted some omusubi with tomatoes with water. He ignored the flirty look the waitress gave him but Ino didn't. So she caused a scene by reaching over the table to grab Sasuke's wrist and showed the waitress his wedding ring before flashing a picture of Sakura smiling on her phone not a moment later.__

 _ _The waitress looked so angry (and embarrassed & taken back) that Sasuke didn't really stop Ino from telling their waitress that Sakura is the mother of his daughter and his wife. She also commented Sakura can break your spine just with her finger. Needless to say; the other woman left glaring and mumbling at Ino; most likely talking negatively about the blonde.__

 _"_ _ _YOU'RE A BITCH TOO, HONEY," Ino shouted and Sasuke rolled his eyes again before snatching his wrist from Ino's grip who simply gave him look before sitting back down with a frown aimed at him.__

 _ _Sasuke doesn't want this meeting to last so long because he doesn't know what Ino wanted to tell him and he won't admit out loud that he's not that curious judging by the looks of judgment she's giving him. Gone was her fun side to the side Sakura told him about.__

 _'_ _ _Once you know Ino like I do; you will see the fun and friendly side of her is just a front. There's a reason why she's the head of the Torture and Interrogation after her father died. She has the manipulation skills like Sasori does; maybe even Orochimaru's level. She's more of the type to observe and watch you than asking questions. My best friend is very dangerous once you see her 'darker' side.' Sakura told him and Sasuke watched Ino back because with those eyes of hers; he's beginning to see what his wife been telling him.__

 _ _It's good to know when he goes away; people are looking out for his wife and his daughter. They can handle people; he knows that. He's proud of that but it's not that fun being alone and fighting alone. He knows that the most but looking back; he's never truly been alone. He just wasn't thinking right.__

 _ _He was too impulsive back then. He hardly knew what was a lie or what was the truth and he wished he knew the truth before he left Konoha the first time with the Sound Four. Ah, regrets. How he hates them so.__

 _"_ _ _Sasuke. I want to know if you know about the stories between you and Sakura." Ino said.__

 _ _Sasuke looked up at her because when he was thinking of what his wife told him; he must have lost that little staring contest. Ino gave him a small smile and he shook his head. He hasn't read a single one but judging Ino's look; she has.__

 _"_ _ _No. Why?" He asked. He has a feeling he's not going to like it when Ino made a face before she explained some of the fanfiction she read with Sai one night when it was raining and they were both home for the change.__

 _"_ _ _When you're paired up with her; sometimes in these old fics, you treat her like shit," Ino told him honestly before making room for her food. Frowning, Sasuke did the same and the waitress, a different one he noted, only put their plates down with a polite bow as if that was her goodbye before leaving. He let out a relieved sigh before slowly eating the food off his plate.__

 _ _Ino ate one bite of her noodles before she explained how awful he was with Sakura. She had a blank look on her face but her eyes… Her eyes looked like 'if that ever happened, I will kill you Uchiha.'__

 _ _Sasuke got a headache hearing her. Not because of her company or her voice; it was because these 'ideas' some people had about him and his wife was so bullshit; he doesn't know what to say.__

 _ _Why would he treat her like shit? Why would he force her to do things for him? Making her cry was, unfortunately, true; he saw her cry sometimes but he felt horrible. He didn't feel anything like he did in those bad fics.__

 _"_ _ _I'm nothing like that with her. You fucking know that." He said because with his mood right now; he doesn't feel like filtering himself to be polite. He watched Ino grinned at his choice of words before she nodded.__

 _"_ _ _I'm glad or I would have sent you down under. We both know I'm serious. Sakura's been my friend since we around four years old. You don't respect your friend's choice if her lover is being a little fucking cunt." She wasn't in a mood to be polite either and Sasuke didn't say anything but smirked softly.__

XXX

"Dear. Are you okay? Did something happened?" Sakura suddenly asked breaking Sasuke from his thoughts and he turned to look at her. He shook his head and she frowned at him. He let out a sigh before explaining what he was thinking.

Let's just say; he has learned over the years that you shouldn't keep things from his wife.

So when he was finished with his tale; Sakura threw her head back and laughed. He frowned at her.

"Oh, dear. That is funny. It's funny because if you have done that to me; I will show what I can do down there and it won't be enjoyable one little second. I promise you that, Sasuke." She said with a smile before walking away.

He smirked.

That's his wife right there.

XXXXXXX

 **Calling it short so we can get that serious shit away and try to make it humorous again. Sasori will probably won't be mentioned again. Because there's only so much you can do to mentioned a dead guy when it's a Sasuke/Sakura pairing. Besides this version of post-canon Sakura doesn't really wanna talk about him. Not because she hates him; she just wants to move on. Let him rest in peace with his parents.**

 **If you're a fan of SasuSaku for a long time; you have come across those fics where Sasuke was an abusive cunt while Sakura was one of those girls that won't leave her man even when he was abusive to her** _ ** _(some of them stay with their man just so they can have a higher chance of survival)._**_ **OOC not only for Sasuke but Sakura as well.**

 **Before you get mad and tell me that Sasuke is stronger than Sakura; she will let him do what he pleases with her. Don't because in Gaiden; Sasuke shows Orochimaru he's confident with his wife. He believes in her. Why can't you? Part One Sakura is gone and blossomed into a beautiful flower. I'm trying to put that in this story. I know Sakura has flaws. That's probably the biggest reason why I love her. She ruined my life just like Sasori.**

 **So anyway.**

 **Until next time, everyone. Goodbye!**

 **(P.S. I wrote this before the holidays; last year so that's why that little part about Karin cracking Suigetsu's nuts is there. It's a big fail that I just post this on fanfiction aka here. It's been on archiveofourown for months. Sorry c';)**

 **(And BTW; I might say fuck it and bring back the Akatsuki just for laughs. I don't know. You can only do much now but for now; this fic is complete.)**


End file.
